Right, well I decided that the art of management was heading in Evil Overlord List direction. It occurred to me that there are many other applicable rules to be had. Thus, for posterity, here they are:
- The ability to flick a screwdriver into a man's sternum at five yards.
- Blame subordinates for a minty fresh sensation in the morning.
- Maintain duplicate sets of memos for and against all initiatives. Do not distribute, but file them. After initiative is completed, retrieve appropriate memo to assert personal genius.
- In times of uncertainty, mouse cables make a convenient garrote.
- Delegate to maintain deniability in case of catastrophe.
- If your employers were actually smarter than you, they'd be your boss.
- On the first day of work at a new job, seek out convenient hiding places. Mark them down.
- Meetings look like work, but are not in fact work. The wise man will use this to his advantage.
- When an underling seeks permission for something, always answer no.
- If an underling is seeking permission, he probably shouldn't be doing it anyway.
- Computers are typewriters with scary monsters inside.
- Security is only moderately important, security breaches are extremely important.
- Backups are a waste of money because you don't need them all the time.
- A finite number of people can do an infinite amount of work, if only they can be scheduled properly.
- Sick time is bad. People being sick at work is also bad. Therefore, those who are ill must be killed in order to protect the workforce.
- If a tractor doesn't need breaks or lunch, then why should a person?
- Ability to do the job is less important than the cost of paying the person to do it.
- Relationships are for the lazy and unproductive.
- Underlings have no real emotions. If they claim being screamed at over the phone has affected them, they are lieing.
